Sunday, March 20, 2016

All I Can Tell You

All I can tell you is
I was asleep in a vacuum
I believed there was nobility
In being able to take a punch
I thought it would all get better
That with practice, I could be in control
               
All I can tell you is
I was out of my mind with fear
I believed there was no other chance
                To be able to feed my kids
I thought it would all get better
That with practice, I could be in control

All I can tell you is
I was alone in a fight against all odds
I believed there was no other way to live
On the razor thin edge of sanity
I thought it would all get better
That with practice, I could be in control


All I can tell you is
I was a defender of hearts
I believed there was a way
                That my sacrifice would protect you
I thought it would all get better
That with practice, I could be in control

All I can tell you is
I was not able to get control
I believed that reason was out of reach
                That I deserved to die
I thought it would all get better
That with practice, I could be in control

All I can tell you is
You are not alone. And even though
You believe there is no other way
                You don’t have to live this way
Because it won’t get better
That even with practice, you can’t be in control of anyone else but YOU

~Victoria Stewart-Meyers

(C) Victoria Meyers 2016






                               
               


                

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Ghost of a Whisper

I put a picture in my mind,
the one I loved so, you by the window blind.
When I see it I try to remember that that beautiful smile and love in your eyes was never mine,
not mine.
It was her -you were looking at, not me,
not ME.
Another picture.
It's you and her standing before the forest in the snow.
Look closely, your arms holding her tenderly, and I remember that your arms never held me,
no not me.
Those pictures are in my mind now.
I am trying to hold on to them and keep them in front of me now.
I tell myself that you are there in your flat with her, not me, not with me.
Do you understand?...

I will never hurt you...
When you came back that night to ask me not to hurt her,
I knew then that you don't know me,
not me.
This is my farewell, my last love letter to you.
I know you won't read it, and I'm glad
'Cause I don't ever want to feel that I have betrayed you.  (Like her)
Of course you don't know me, we're only strangers who met by chance.
I'll go back to my life.
I won't wake from dreams of you in the mornings, hoping to see your face.
I won't sit for hours, hoping for a glimpse of you.
I won't wear my purple sweater, just to hear you ask me- I hate that sweater!
I will not linger over your memory, or think of you in the shower.
I will not imagine your arms around me as I sleep.
I will not hope for you, I will not,
not me.

You will become as a ghost to me,
a whisper of a dream I never had.

Do you understand?.....

Just a whisper of a dream I never had
A ghost of a whisper of a dream I never had